The STARs in our eyes.

So many words. So little time. Where do I begin?

I guess it all started on a Tuesday morning in August of 2009, in the basement of Ives Hall. I was still in that stage of my college career where I barely spoke to anyone. My shy side was in charge back then, and just signing up for COMS 368 took all the courage I could muster. I knew no one, and knew even less about journalism.

I sat in my desk and nervously glanced at my new classmates. Everybody was laughing and smiling, looking extremely excited. Knowing nobody, and feeling extremely out of place, I thought about getting up and walking out right then. But all of a sudden a chubby man with dark sunglasses and a scarf started pounding “Old Time Rock ‘n’ Roll” on the piano. (Wait, where did the piano come from?) Without skipping a beat, a tall skinny guy wearing hipster glasses slid across the floor, Tom Cruise style.

Less than half an hour later, I was sitting with the Arts & Entertainment section receiving my first assignment. In a blur I left class not exactly sure what I had gotten myself into, but somehow knowing that I was in for something good.

Four semesters, three staffs, two blogs and one award winning column later, I sit Editor in Chief of the newspaper I almost walked out on.

The Sonoma State STAR is more than a newspaper though. Over the past two years I’ve built irreplaceable relationships with the editors who I now call best friends. From amongst their ranks I’ve had supporters, mentors, study buddies and even a roommate. I can’t say enough how much they mean to me. I could write pages to each and every one of them and it still wouldn’t be enough.

In college, you find your most unforgettable experiences in the least likely places. I don’t want to think about what life would have been like without the deadlines, the word counts, the misspelled headlines, the late Sunday nights, the Chip Mcauley one-liners, the pot lucks, the blogs, the newsprint hands, the red box of death, the sleepovers, the bar nights, and having to say “this is off the record, right?” at the beginning of to many conversations.

As the week comes to a close, I wonder if I’m really ready. I’m leaving my comfortable A&E world behind for good, and lately I’ve been reverting back to that first day in class, alone and intimidated. Transitions are always difficult. As one chapter of the STAR comes to an end, it’s important to not cling to the past. We are all moving on to bigger and better things, whether it’s a new editor position, internship or journey abroad. Next year will be different, but it is a whole new adventure. The pages are blank, the articles unwritten.

I wish all of the senior editors well, not that they need anyone to wish for them. And to everyone else who is saying goodbye to the STAR, you don’t have to say goodbye to its staff. We’ll miss you.

To my staff of editors, I have big shoes to fill, and I can only hope one year from now we’ll have made half the progress that the 2010-2011 Editors have done.

People say newspapers are dying, but as long as there are journalists like us in the world, I think they have a shot.

Remember, it’s just a learning lab.

“Without fear or favor, regardless of party, sect, or interests involved.” - ADOLPH S. OCHS, founding father of the modern Times, New York, Aug. 18, 1896.

To Thine Own Self

Being a writer is hard. It is no matter who you are. Good writers don’t just sit down and vomit perfect sentence structure onto their keyboard. Sometimes writing is one of the biggest, most unpleasant chores I have. Whether it’s my column, an article for class or this very blog post…

I have a hard time explaining why I do what I do. I usually say something about expressing myself, or how rewarding it is. But there’s more to it than that, and I think my fellow writers would agree.

Anyway, I’ve written about a lot of things in my short career thus far. I have always had a passion for the arts and pop culture. My first blog, “The Big Machine” was created to double my column in the Sonoma State Star as well as extra work that can’t be printed. The posts deal exclusively with the arts, pop culture and the media.

In my writing classes, I dabbled in news, feature and opinion writing. I even attempted short stories a few times (no, you can’t see them). I’m really proud of everything I’ve done, but I feel like over the past few years, I’ve been avoiding the toughest subject of all.

Myself.

The closest I have ever come to writing about my own experiences is a witty account of the night my roof leaked in my dorm room sophomore year. I read my friends’ writing, and see them pouring themselves into their words, and wonder what has been holding me back.

I’ve heard that when you don’t know what to write, write about what you know. Maybe the problem is I don’t know myself as well as I should. Or, maybe I genuinely hate talking about myself.

Either way, this is my attempt to tackle a territory I have never done publicly, and it couldn’t come at a better time. There are many things in my life I have meant to take pen to, but have been too nervous. When things didn’t fit into my neat Arts & Entertainment box, I threw them out. I am worried what people will think, or that they won’t care.

But then, I remembered a promise I made to myself early this year. For a long time, I have obsessed about what other people think of me. It was one of those things I didn’t think was an issue until I started noticing it. It’s the curse of being a people pleaser (as a fellow writer pointed out to me recently). I should not be putting the interests of people I barely know above my own. Also, putting myself out there does not make me weird or pushy.

So, this is going to be about me. And I promise, this is just as strange for me as it is for you.